Cannabis increases penis size?

In an hilarious new study, the University of Valencia has poked fun at the body of research that sometimes appears to make many outlandish claims about the benefits of using cannabis.

In a ‘study’ of 10,000 men, aged 18-35, researchers studied perceptions of the effect of using cannabis on the size of their manhood.

Overwhelmingly (60%) of participants said that they felt their use of cannabis had definitely increased their member’s length and girth.

Man smoking medical cannabis joint

“The survey revealed that a significant number of men who consumed custard or carrots mixed with cannabis experienced an increase in the size of their penis. It is interesting to note that the bigger the carrots, the larger the increase was noted, although this needs further exploration.”

Latest research

According to the research, there have been many recent studies which show that cannabis may have a positive effect on penile growth by activating specific receptors in the body. Cannabinoids bind to receptors that regulate cell growth and differentiation.

In one study, the activation of CB1 receptors in the penis led to increased blood flow and improved tissue oxygenation, which may promote penis growth.

Similarly, the activation of CB2 receptors may increase the production of growth factors like Human Growth Hormone and testosterone that are essential for penis growth. Additionally, it’s hypothesized that compounds in cannabis, particularly CBD, could promote the growth and development of penis cells, resulting in an increase in size and girth.

A totally random sample selection

10,000 men aged 18-35 were selected on the basis of cannabis use. Rather randomly, they had also recently bought a certain type of shampoo from a local supermarket.

Statistical methods used in the cannabis and penis research

For stats nerds, a range of methods were reportedly employed by researchers to arrive at the conclusions. In an excellent jab at studies which seek to demonstrate statistical significance, the article states that “Inferential statistics were used to make generalizations about the population based on the sample data. To examine relationships between variables, bivariate analysis was performed using cross-tabulations and chi-square tests with random permutations.”

So, that’s all nice and clear then?

Also, it’s worth noting that the ‘The TannedBallsComputer® SPSS, version 111.0, software package’ was used.

Results and implications

The study has clearly (or actually not at all) demonstrated that cannabis consumption may potentially lead to an increase in penis size, which can be explained by the active compounds present in the plant, like THC and CBD, triggering specific physiological responses within the body.

One such response is the growth of certain bodily tissues, including the penis. Studies have found that THC molecules can interact with prostate pathways in somatic cells, enhancing their cell and mitochondrial division. This increased energy conversion can result in a bigger penis size

These results may lead to further studies that could shed light on the effects of custard, carrots mixed with cannabis, on the growth of the penis.

Limitations and general hilarity

Although not released on April Fools Day, this excellent piece of research shows that it’s important to maintain a sense of humour.

The findings might be intriguing, but the researchers note that “they are based on anecdotal evidence and on invented data that we have reflected here in a beautiful, but false way.”


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